The Songs That Make Grown Men Cry
Anything about their little girls growing up is sure to do it.
The tradition is several years old now. Every Friday night, our family has plans. It’s pizza and movie night. Every single Friday.
Some Fridays it’s frozen pizza. Sometimes it’s homemade. Sometimes it’s Dominos. Some nights it’s a comedy. Sometimes an inspirational movie. Sometimes it’s a few reruns of an old ‘90s sitcom. Some nights we go out to get pizza somewhere we’ve never been.
I’ve learned when it comes to the movies we watch as a family, certain considerations must be made. Of course, it needs to be family-friendly, so minimal profanity is best. We’re pretty much out of the cartoons phase, so a lot of Disney is out. And oddly enough, most movies with animals are off the list as well. For my wife at least, a movie featuring an animal likely means that animal dies or gets mistreated in some way. And my wife (and daughters, really) can’t handle it. The tears will flow. Even worse? I even occasionally tear up.
But I can’t help it. Some movies just get you. A few Fridays ago we watched Simon Birch, the ‘90s film based on John Irving’s novel A Prayer For Owen Meany. Though the movie strayed from the book, it kept the emotion intact. And at the end, I looked over and saw our 13-year-old frowning, fighting back tears.
But movies are easy to cry at, right? They pull in the visual senses. They put pictures to emotions. They create drama that sucks us in with unforgettable characters and storylines. There’s no shame in it, right? Admitting we cry at a particular scene in a movie. I’m man enough to confess to being 12 years old and wiping away tears when Mufasa died in The Lion King.
Music is different. We often aren’t singularly focused on a song. We hear music when we’re driving or working or doing yard work. But rarely are we attuned to nothing but a certain song or album. We’re too distracted for that.
But the stories in songs are just as capable of wrecking four minutes of our day as a sappy movie is. Music is, of course, full of emotion. And when we’re steeped in a particular song with a heartbreaking story, it freezes us in a moment.
There are hundreds, maybe thousands of songs that can bring us to tears. And while it might be easier to name movies that make us choke up, I want to consider songs that do the same. I’ve come up with ten, but I’m sure I could think of more if I tried. So here we go. We’ll get through this together, blurry-eyed or not.
“Thank You” by Ray Boltz
I’m pretty sure the first song that caused a lump in my throat was this. I must’ve been 10 or 11 when I heard Ray Boltz sing this song about being in heaven and seeing the people who had such an impact on his life on earth.
“Christmas Shoes” by Newsong
It’s aged about as well as a two-pound fruitcake, but this sappy song used to tug on everyone’s heartstrings. At a family gathering one Christmas, my cousin played it on a CD player for us all to hear. It’s a song that makes you groan more than cry now, but when it was released way back in 2001. I just can’t help picturing the boy in line to buy his dying mom some shoes and when he brings them home she asks why he got them in that color. I know. Terrible thought. Moving on.
“Letters From War” by Mark Schultz
The songs that make you cry don’t always have to be sad. And I’m all in on a song about a soldier serving in war who finds his way back home. And really, you don’t need a song for tears like this. Just pull up videos of soldiers surprising their kids at school or surprising their moms at work or surprising their dads at a birthday party. Any of them will make you bawl like a baby.
“Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)” by Alan Jackson
There won’t be a September 11th that goes by for the rest of my life that my mind doesn’t replay that day. And there hasn’t been a song that has so eloquently captured the emotions so many Americans felt on 9/11. How it broke us. How it made us feel helpless. How there’s so much we don’t understand. Maybe this song doesn’t make you cry. But you can’t listen and not reflect on how our world was in September 2001, and how it is now.
“Last Kiss” by Pearl Jam
First made popular in the early ‘60s by J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers, “Last Kiss” tells a story about a young couple out for a drive. They get into an accident, and the driver’s girlfriend dies. The song was revived by Pearl Jam in the ‘90s and introduced a new generation to how an upbeat tempo can mix with tragic lyrics for an amazing song. The chorus hits the hardest:
Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She’s gone to heaven so I’ve got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world
“Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman
They say people going through hard times will numb themselves from the pain. So when I tell you that “Cinderella” is a song that I can’t listen to, I don’t mean it isn’t wonderful. It’s that focusing on the song and getting immersed in it without distractions will absolutely wreck you. It’s a song about a father cherishing time with his daughter. And that’s lovely. It really is. But when you think about Steven Curtis Chapman, shortly after writing this song lost one of his daughters to a tragic accident at his home, it brings a different dimension to everything. What I’m saying is if you hear this song come on the radio, turn the channel. Or else drown in your own tears. It’s your choice. Okay, moving on. We’re gonna get through this.
“Yesterday” by The Beatles
I’m old enough now to know the sweetness of the past while also being excited about the future. But I also know regret, and even if it’s not about a breakup per se like Paul McCartney sings about, it still stings. Over 3,000 renditions of this song have been done over the years, but none of them can touch the original. (Boyz II Men’s was close, though.)
“One More Light” by Linkin Park
In 2017, experimental rock band Linkin Park released the album One More Light, a poignantly introspective album that hits all the marks the band strives for: hard-hitting lyrics, elements of hip-hop, and exceptional instrumentation. But this album, and the title track in particular feel like echoes of a massive cannonball blast. That’s because the band’s beloved lead singer, Chester Bennington, took his own life the same year. So when you hear the song’s chorus, when you hear Chester’s voice sing “Who cares if one more light goes in the sky of a million stars? Who cares when someone’s time runs out if a moment is all we are? Well, I do”, you feel a song pulse in more places than just your eardrums. Nothing is quite as haunting, as tragic, as hearing someone sing about death and suicide who takes their own life.
“Piece By Piece” by Kelly Clarkson
The thing about Kelly Clarkson’s song about her father who abandoned her is that it hits on so many different levels that no one can walk away with dry eyes. You cannot escape the flow from her dad walking away when she was 6 years old to her marrying a man who won’t leave her to her husband never leaving their daughter like Kelly’s own dad did.
But the pop version, the ones some radio stations played, did not do the lyrics justice. I’m advocating in this piece that songs don’t need visual cues to pack an emotional punch, but when you hear and see Kelly Clarkson performing this song live on American Idol in 2016, your world crashes down. When you hear a pregnant Kelly Clarkson choking back tears as she sings about her very own father walking away from her, you drown. When you see Keith Urban and Jennifer Lopez frozen in heartbreak, you too find yourself on pause, picking up pieces from your own heartbreak. If you can make it through all four minutes and thirty-seconds without a tear ripping away from your eye and trickling down your cheek, you’re a stronger person than I am.
Why is it that songs about parenting and the bonds (healthy or broken ones) between parents and children are so impactful? Why do they resonate so much? It’s simple, really. Because every single one of us has experienced those relationships in some way.
Home life is unique for each of us. I grew up in a loving home with two parents who, 55-plus years later are still married and in love. Of course, I’m not the only one. But just as many people grew up in homes filled with kindness and warmth, just as many found themselves in broken places where one or even both parents were absent in some way. Of course, that’s Kelly Clarkson’s story.
But even in the homes where children feel safe and cared for, they grow up and eventually leave. It doesn’t break the bond with a parent, but it certainly changes the dynamic. It’s bittersweet, especially for dads who see their daughters grow up, leave home, and get married.
And that’s what we’re talking about today in the ninth installment of 60 Christian Songs That Explain the ‘90s. We’re talking about the wedding day anthem “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlise, one of the ten songs sure to make me weep like a baby when I hear it.
“Butterfly Kisses” is written from a father’s perspective. He’s reflecting on his relationship with his daughter. Butterfly kisses, in case you didn’t know, is putting your face close to someone else and blinking your eyes rapidly so that they feel your eyelashes brush against their face. Bob Carlisle is thankful for these silly acts of love he shared with his daughter when she was young.
He sings of her wanting his protection as she takes her first pony ride. He sings of her wanting his affirmation for the cake she made, no matter how funny it turned out looking.
And then the chorus. And then the little girl has gone from ribbons and curls to wearing perfume and makeup. She’s 16 now. And Bob is still thinking about those goofy butterfly kisses. And the father-daughter relationship, though still as sweet as that first cake she made, has most certainly changed.
From there, you know where the story leads. Where it doesn’t end necessarily, but does turn to a brand new chapter. The daughter gets married and that special bond, though not broken, is forever changed.
“Butterfly Kisses” was such a massive hit in the ‘90s that it expanded well beyond Christian radio. It landed at the number one spot on Adult Contemporary charts. In 1998, it won Carlisle a Grammy for Country Song of the Year, beating out artists like Tim McGraw and Garth Brooks.
But the song might never have happened were it not for Carlisle’s wife, Jacque, who encouraged him to play the song for music executives. "I wrote it for my daughter Brooke, just prior to her 16th birthday. I think, just like a lot of dads and husbands, I hadn't taken time to sit still long enough to realize that this child isn't gonna be with me too much longer and one evening I just came unglued. The song just poured out of me, almost in its entirety."
The use of the word butterfly works in two ways. There are the eyelashes flutters, but there is also this imagery of a beautiful butterfly spreading its wings to fly. That’s where the song closes.
That’s when it gets me. It used to not as much. But now with teenage daughters, the song’s ending grips me tighter than I’d like. Our oldest girl is at the age where she’s looking to begin driving. She’s in her freshman year of high school. And just the other day, she was out with my wife shopping for dresses for an upcoming dance.
I can’t speak for every father of daughters, but there are moments of evidence when you can point to and say “They’re growing up.” My wife would text me pictures of our daughter trying on these different dresses, each one making her look more like a young woman ready for the world instead of my little girl. The one that used to jump up and down on my back as I lay on the floor laughing. The one who used to let me scoop her up and put her on my shoulders. The one who would sit in my lap for what seemed like hours reading picture books.
She’s 15 now. And we have a 13-year-old coming up right behind her. It’s…a lot. It’s too much. So yes, when the last verse of “Butterfly Kisses” plays, I know that same ending is coming in my own life. Millions of dads have experienced it. My dad has a few times. My brother-in-law has a few times. And I know there’s really nothing I can do to slow down time. The song’s last verse goes like this:
She’ll change her name today
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asks me what I’m thinking and I say
”I’m not sure. I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl.”
Sigh. You know the next part, right? Do you need me to say it? Okay. Fine. Bob’s little girl leans over and gives her dad…you guessed it…butterfly kisses. Then she says:
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it’s just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry.
“Butterfly Kisses” has been played at more weddings in the past 25 years than can be counted. And while it’s a sappy song custom-built for a father’s first dance with his daughter-turned-bride, it’s really a song about thankfulness. Because throughout the song, that’s what Bob Carlisle does. In every phase of his daughter Brooke’s life, he’s thanking God, repeating “With all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.”
It feels unfair to call Bob Carlisle a “one-hit wonder”. He had other songs hit the radio, many with their own emotional punch added. Songs like “Man Of His Word” and “Living Water” are great. But there’s nothing he could ever do to top “Butterfly Kisses”. The song has been etched in time.
He’s 68 now. As for what he’s doing? Well, he’d love for you to invite him to your own wedding to perform his smash hit. You can’t blame him. When you reach such a pinnacle of success, why not ride the wave?
There’s one more song. I’ve thought of one more song to add to my list of songs that will make you cry. It’s called “Tough Little Boys” by Gary Allan. It’s all about boys being tough until a) they’re alone, or b) they grow up and become fathers.
Gary talks about not crying when Old Yeller died, at least not in front of his friends. But when he becomes a dad, the emotions are different. You can’t hide the emotions anymore. That’s why you see the most stoic, muscle-bound dudes breaking down when they’re handed their baby to hold for the first time.
“Tough Little Boys” does the same thing as “Butterfly Kisses”. It takes us on that father-daughter journey. And it ends, much in that same way, with a dad breaking down as one chapter of parenting comes to a bittersweet end.
Well, I know one day I’ll give you away
And I’m gonna stand there and smile
But when I get home, and I’m all alone
Well, I’ll sit in your room for a while
A few months back, our Friday night consisted of pepperoni pizzas and Father Of The Bride, the classic family comedy with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton. Surprisingly, the movie doesn’t make me cry. I’ve probably seen it enough now to not let the emotions overwhelm me. I’ve strategically disassociated myself in certain parts, like when his daughter’s wedding is nearing and all Steve Martin can do is play back memories of him and his little girl playing basketball together.
I don’t know what memories will run through my mind when that time comes. Maybe you’re wondering the same thing for yourself. Maybe you’re thinking back to when you first held your child. Maybe you’re thinking back to a non-descript moment when you just remember seeing joy cover their face and were shocked at how much happiness seeing your own child experience happiness brought you.
And maybe those core memories have butterfly kisses in them. Maybe they don’t. Whatever the case, hold on to them. Turn the page, yes. But hold on to those sweet memories. I can promise you they mean as much to your kids as they do to you.
Thanks for reading this 9th installment of "60 Christian Songs That Explain the ‘90s! Take a moment and listen to Bob Carlisle’s “Butterfly Kisses”. And Have a good cry while you’re at it. I won’t tell anyone.
Awesome. A great list... I'm not ashamed to cry at a good song.
A small thing about Cinderella. As I understand it, the song was written before the tragedy... but the first time Chapman performed it, right after its release, was his first performance after Maria died. If it were me, I might never perform the song at all. What heartbreak!
I love Cinderella but my wife will rarely listen to it - too sad she says. But if you think Cinderella is moving listen to his song Heaven is the Face about the daughter he lost. That'll wreck you.